File this one under the "musings" portion of this blog (see, it even says so under tags).
After Hillary Clinton's expected appointment to Barack Obama's cabinet as secretary of state, there has been a lot of discussion in political circles as to whom Hillary's replacement as one of New York's Senators will be in 2009. The most oft mentioned name is that of Caroline Kennedy, age 51, daughter of the late president John F Kennedy. Many news outlets (for all facts, see links or google) have reported Caroline Kennedy is the "favorite" for the seat, assigned by New York's governor to serve until a special election in 2010, then a real election in 2012. The first three reasons stated for Caroline Kennedy's candidacy in this blog post by Chris Cillizza in the Washington Post (http://voices.washingtonpost.com/thefix/2008/12/the_case_for_caroline_kennedy.html?hpid=topnews) are the fact that she's universally known (her last name is, after all, Kennedy), her money (which makes it easier to win a number of elections in a short time span) and a passing of the torch from her uncle, Senator Ted Kennedy of Massachusetts, who is battling terminal brain cancer as you read this (guarantee expires in 2009). Caroline Kennedy's actual accomplishments (seriously, ANY of them) don't make the list. The blog post actually sums up her lack of political ideology or experience in anything as a positive, stating:
"Kennedy is uniquely able to do this because she there is so little known about her issue positions or political ideology. She is the classic tabula rasa -- onto which almost anything can be put. And, because of her lack of a record (or even a series of public pronouncements on controversial issues), it will be very hard for her opponents in either a primary or a general election to dispute the way in which she positions herself for election and possibly reelection."
So having accomplished nothing and taken no stands is now a good thing? And the top three arguments for her becoming a United States Senator are that people know her family name, she's rich, and her famous uncle is about to die. The other three arguments include she's a Catholic, she's a woman, and nobody knows what she thinks. Does anybody else have a problem with this?
Dynasties happen when democracies get lazy. Two main examples really irritate me when it comes to the potential Kennedy being appointed to Hillary Clinton's seat. One comes from the current governor's scandal in Illinois, the other comparing Caroline Kennedy to Sarah Palin. In Illinois, Governor Rod Blagojevich is in trouble for having been taped supposedly trying to "sell" his appointment for Barack Obama's now vacant senate seat for political favors. However, as Froma Harrop stated in this article, http://www.realclearpolitics.com/articles/2008/12/welcome_to_nepotism_nation.html, there isn't really much difference in the thinking behind the governor's scandal in Illinois or the reasoning behind putting Caroline Kennedy in power. To quote the article,
"Would someone please draw a dark line of distinction between what we call a scandal in Illinois and business as usual in New York? Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich is accused of trying to sell a vacant Senate seat, while New York Gov. Paterson is expected to give a Senate seat to the woman whose family can raise lots of money for his benefit."
Furthermore, for Democrats that howled about Sarah Palin's incredible inexperience upon her selection as the Republican vice-presidential nominee are the same ones now applauding Caroline Kennedy's candidacy. As governor of a state, Sarah Palin has actually run something! In fact, I would almost argue qualifications for a US senator should be even more demanding than that of the vice president, but that argument would miss the point. Is this really the best New York can do? Her (always reliable) wikipedia entry, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caroline_Kennedy, (well, there goes any credibility this post had...) lists her as being, among other things, the honorary chairman of the American Ballet Theater, as working a three day a week job raising money for New York public schools, and as having past the bar exam in New York and Washington DC. Other articles point to her ivy league education as proof of her competency, but can anybody think of another prominent politician who rose to power primarily on his or her father's presidential coattails with an ivy league education? If you said George W Bush, you thought of the same person I did.
This article from Politico "http://www.politico.com/news/stories/1208/16664.html" lists other Senate appointees going through the dynasty process. Joe Biden's seat will likely be taken by his son and Colorado Senator Ken Salazar's job is probably going to be given to his brother. While this problem certainly isn't specific to just the Democratic side of the isle, it does real damage to our small "d" democratic process. In a culture that's increasingly obsessed with celebrity worship, the way to promote active civic participation is not through giving in and making appointments based on name recognition. As Queens Congressman Gary Ackerman was quoted as saying in this Politico article (http://www.politico.com/news/stories/1208/16512.html), Caroline Kennedy has name recognition, but so does J.Lo. If the voters decide they want celebrities in office there's not much that can be done, but in the case of appointment to a seat by a governor the public deserves a serious appointment process resulting in a serious, tested appointee. If these trends continue, the difference between American Idol and the American President will become increasingly blurred.
Chelsea Clinton 2020!
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther... And one fine morning...
I was stuck in Chicago O'Hare airport for sixteen and a half hours, but now, finally, I've gotten to Christmas/Winter Break, the time I resolved to give myself to recharge, refocus, relax, read. I'm here to hang out with friends and family, watch football, and finalize becoming more aware of myself and what I want to do this next semester. As yet, however, the only constant seems to be a lack of change (wrap your head around that one). While I greatly enjoyed coming back to Springfield during Thanksgiving Break, this one is... or rather, has been... less than incredibly enjoyable. Why?
*disclaimer: structure may be lacking throughout post*
I cannot help but feel anxious. I feel like I constantly should be doing something, anything, that I'm wasting time even when I have nothing to do for the next three weeks. I'm actually beginning to seriously wonder if I'm going to be some sort of workaholic whenever I "grow up". I've stayed up the last two nights, even on very limited sleep, to 3:00 and 5:00 in the morning doing a combination of reading a biography about Dick Cheney, playing Risk on my computer, browsing realclearpolitcs.com, and looking up books on Amazon. I started being tired about midnight, but I fought off going to sleep for five hours to do... well, I don't really know what I accomplished. I got three chapters out of the Cheney book. It's a good book. But back to the point (is there a point?), I don't know why I feel this way. Some point, huh?
One primary... issue? problem? thing?... that I've felt particularly anxious about is my wonderful ex girlfriend (yes, sarcasm). Again, I have no idea why I feel this way. My parents were out at a dinner last night from about 6:00-midnight, and I kept thinking about everything that I would've been doing had Kim and my relationship still been intact. How it would've been a perfect opportunity to catch up, be together, and all that other sentimental shit. To be perfectly honest, one of the primary reasons I'm not attending the IB Panel next week is I want there to be absolutely no chance of seeing and/or coming into contact with her. Period. Why am I not going to a big reunion/basketball game when our team could be one of the best in the state? Because she'll be there.
I can't really begin to overstate how much I still, two and a half months after breaking up with her and two months after hearing from her, hate her. I don't even know why really. I'm fully capable of looking at the situation objectively. A long distance relationship over two years? Please. I'm somebody that's very conservative with money and spending it; she's the exact opposite. I don't really care about how somebody looks all that much; she's the exact opposite. I'm not totally batshit crazy; she's... well, you all get the point.
I was reading on facebook that apparently the Central High School administrators are even worse than last year because they canceled some junior dance that was supposed to be last night. Looking at the principal’s blog, I saw and read one comment posted by "Kimberly Randal, Junior Class Secretary". As soon as I read the name, I felt like throwing up. I'm disgusted that the name still elicits a response from me. Hell, I'm devoting something like six paragraphs to somebody that I've vowed not to care about at all. And instead of laughing that she still has to deal with Central Administrators for the next eighteen months, my thoughts immediately went to wondering if she was dating anybody, or what the conversations with her would have been like had we had them. Does anybody else do this? It's so pointless!
I don't want to be angry, or made to feel upset. I want to feel like I did when we were dating, only without ever seeing her again. I want her to not exist. I guess I'm a bitter person. At least with her, or when I was in a relationship, I felt like somebody really "got me", understood me, appreciated all of my little quirks. And now... I still have to learn to appreciate myself.
I don't consider myself to be an attention seeker, somebody that needs the validation of others to be happy (I mean, we all want to be well liked, but it's not... or at least I don't think it's... a requirement for me). I also don't consider myself to be an especially social person. I am, to be quite honest, a bit of a perfectionist. Not in a "this needs one more draft to be sure I expressed myself correctly (as you can tell by this blog post)" way, but in a "I will not fail at this" way. Maybe that's why I take breakups so hard. I mean, it's not like I'm wife hunting every time I start dating a girl, but relationships are something in which I put significant resources (time, energy, money). Before I left for Seton Hall, I got Kim this $300 diamond necklace (on sale for only $109) because I wanted to prove to her how much I gave a fuck about us. We broke up over the $60 webcam I bought her so we could stay in touch. It's not that I'm obsessed with how much money I spent on her, but hell, I cared. I'm doing it again, aren't I? Caring.
But it's not like I feel obligated to not fail at everything. There are a number of things during high school and now college I don't particularly care for or about (like cabinet). I did 40% of the honors reading, read five chapters (half the book) of international relations in two days and got an A on the final (to be honest, I sort of did that just because I could get away with it. Yes, I get my "God I rock" kicks out of reading textbooks quickly. How sad is that?), quit speech, and didn't make time to go into NYC or really socialize (something that I'm, hopefully, at least going to start changing next semester). My main governing philosophy, I think, is you do what you have to do, period. I'm very task oriented, and I haven't really had a task to which to fully devote myself on a daily basis. I can't even make fun of classes because I have no one to whom I can make fun of them (to those of you who know who Alex is, she may be the exception)!
So I, as I've stated in previous posts, have lacked focus. I'm beginning to regain my long term focus (grad school, summer jobs, etc.) but I still lack day to day focus. I keep preparing for the future while not focusing on the "me" of now. My work doesn't seem particularly enjoyable or fulfilling, whenever I try to take a break (even a Christmas break) I still feel like I should be working. I'm spinning the wheels incredibly fast, and am not going anywhere at all. In addition to the Dick Cheney biography, I've also read a biography of George W Bush, John McCain's memoirs (guess my political affiliation!), and plan to read a number of other presidential biographies, if not over break than during the summer. I think one of the reasons I'm drawn to the stories of all of these successful people is I want a goal, something that I can focus on becoming. I'm incredibly ready to start going to bed on time, doing something with my hair, eating healthier, working out, making friends, living the life that I envision myself living. It's just I feel so miserable sometimes that sometimes I forget that's not part of the plan.
I'm sure I'll look back at these feelings someday and laugh. Or... maybe I'm so incredibly normal it's silly. Maybe everybody is. I'm very much in search of a purpose, a long term goal, an aspiration. Sometimes I feel like I'm one of the only people awake at college; everybody else is just kind of there with no idea of the how, why, or the "for what purpose". So I plan, I think, I behave in an absurd fashion that, if I were thinking rationally, probably makes me even more unhappy than I already am. Who knows, maybe I'll go to the stupid IB panel. It's just, to me, I'd much rather dream about the future than revisit the past.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Sunday, December 14, 2008, 12:01 AM (3)
[...It's funny. The (3) in the title represents the number of days until I go home for Christmas. When I was writing letters to/"dating" Kim (yes, we've dropped the anonymous names. Please mourn appropriately) I always put the number of days until we got to see each other in parenthesis. In a way, it represented a countdown to when we could be happy again. The last letter I sent her had a (94) on it. How time flies when you aren't waiting for something, right?...]
Much has happened lately. I've quit the speech team (took up too much time), aced two finals (at least I think I did) and now have a six page paper to write, a foreign language to learn, and the profiles of Rhodes scholars to go over, all by the end of Tuesday. Last night I stayed up talking to Sushma until something like 4:30 AM, slept until 3:00 PM, messed around online, ate dinner, came back to the dorms, took a nap (although I don't know if I ever actually fell asleep), more online stuff (nothing finals related) and now, here I am, with the ability to probably stay awake another eight-ten hours if I wanted. My roommate (who I've seen for a total of ten minutes since Wednesday) actually asked when the funeral for the campus is, since it's completely dead around here. I have no one to see, nothing to do (except study, which I'm going full out on today), and nowhere to be. And yet, strangely, I'm fine with all of this.
My life is becoming more stable. I've spent a lot of time during the past week concocting various plans for my life, and I've come across my latest scheme. Seton Hall has a program whereby students can spend five years (and two summers) getting both a BS in International Relations and a MA. However, if I take 18 credits a semester instead of 15, it is entirely possibly that I could manage to pull off this 5 year program in 4.5, meaning that I'd be getting a Master's degree in December 2012 (just in time for the world to end). This would get me out of college with a Masters, almost if not completely debt free, 18 months sooner than most poor saps are able to. From here, if I have a kickass job, I can just work at it and start my "real" life at age 23 and two months, or I could go study in Russia for a while, go into a PhD program... there are really a plethora of possibilities here. I've always sort of assumed I'd be getting at least a Masters, if not a Doctorate, and this allows me the opportunity to fulfill the first of those two degrees really quickly. If I decide to go for the Doctorate I'll have, hopefully, some good work experience behind me so I can get into an amazing school (Harvard, Seton Hall ain't).
I'm sure Seton Hall has some good things about it... I just haven't managed to find them yet. I take that back, the teaching here has, honestly, been pretty incredible. While certain professors are better than others, I've yet to find a professor I really disliked as far as teaching style is concerned (been less than thrilled with? yes. Disagreed with at times? Absolutely. But they're all incredibly competent, though I'm sure that will change as I go along). I'm sure most of this is because they're introductory courses, but it seems like the classes I've been in so far have been taught to the lowest common denominator, rather than really pushing me (the one class I'm glad about this? Russian). To that end I've decided to push myself (see above paragraph), but what's really shocking to me is that I can't find more people that seem to have an idea of what they're doing here. Maybe everybody's just shy (not a good quality for diplomats), but so many people here haven't heard of Fareed Zakaria, or Henry Kissinger, or realclearpolitics.com. It's like they woke up one day and decided, hey, instead of going to film school I'm going to go work for the state department (this sentence actually, literally, describes one of my relatively good friends here. I'm not even kidding. At least she's fluent in French). While I didn't expect everybody to sit around in soft chairs (not allowed in dorms, fire hazard) smoking pipes (ditto) and discussing US Grand Strategy after the Cold War (thanks for the book recommendation in Vegas, Nick Ramsey... though you don't know this blog exists), I'm still somewhat saddened that everything seems to be about getting drunk, going to frat parties, and getting laid (and if you're from New Jersey, going home on weekends). I'd even be more accepting if everybody was getting laid and could talk merits for war with Iran. Sadly, not so much (this was a rather long paragraph with a lot of parenthetical asides).
So what to do since I haven't found somebody I "click" with intellectually? Branch out more! I'm taking a bunch of different classes next semester (really Dan? I thought you'd take the same classes...); a few that I'm actually excited about include two sophomore level classes, one taught by somebody with a PhD from MIT, and a junior level class about International Law taught by somebody with a JD from UCLA and a PhD from Tufts. Furthermore, I'm actually going to start going to College Republicans meetings, and History Club meetings, and other fun "hey, let's talk about something we have in common!" types of events. After all, Seton Hall is, for all intents and purposes, my home for the foreseeable future, and I've decided I can't live my life with parenthesis and numbers after the date and time.
Much has happened lately. I've quit the speech team (took up too much time), aced two finals (at least I think I did) and now have a six page paper to write, a foreign language to learn, and the profiles of Rhodes scholars to go over, all by the end of Tuesday. Last night I stayed up talking to Sushma until something like 4:30 AM, slept until 3:00 PM, messed around online, ate dinner, came back to the dorms, took a nap (although I don't know if I ever actually fell asleep), more online stuff (nothing finals related) and now, here I am, with the ability to probably stay awake another eight-ten hours if I wanted. My roommate (who I've seen for a total of ten minutes since Wednesday) actually asked when the funeral for the campus is, since it's completely dead around here. I have no one to see, nothing to do (except study, which I'm going full out on today), and nowhere to be. And yet, strangely, I'm fine with all of this.
My life is becoming more stable. I've spent a lot of time during the past week concocting various plans for my life, and I've come across my latest scheme. Seton Hall has a program whereby students can spend five years (and two summers) getting both a BS in International Relations and a MA. However, if I take 18 credits a semester instead of 15, it is entirely possibly that I could manage to pull off this 5 year program in 4.5, meaning that I'd be getting a Master's degree in December 2012 (just in time for the world to end). This would get me out of college with a Masters, almost if not completely debt free, 18 months sooner than most poor saps are able to. From here, if I have a kickass job, I can just work at it and start my "real" life at age 23 and two months, or I could go study in Russia for a while, go into a PhD program... there are really a plethora of possibilities here. I've always sort of assumed I'd be getting at least a Masters, if not a Doctorate, and this allows me the opportunity to fulfill the first of those two degrees really quickly. If I decide to go for the Doctorate I'll have, hopefully, some good work experience behind me so I can get into an amazing school (Harvard, Seton Hall ain't).
I'm sure Seton Hall has some good things about it... I just haven't managed to find them yet. I take that back, the teaching here has, honestly, been pretty incredible. While certain professors are better than others, I've yet to find a professor I really disliked as far as teaching style is concerned (been less than thrilled with? yes. Disagreed with at times? Absolutely. But they're all incredibly competent, though I'm sure that will change as I go along). I'm sure most of this is because they're introductory courses, but it seems like the classes I've been in so far have been taught to the lowest common denominator, rather than really pushing me (the one class I'm glad about this? Russian). To that end I've decided to push myself (see above paragraph), but what's really shocking to me is that I can't find more people that seem to have an idea of what they're doing here. Maybe everybody's just shy (not a good quality for diplomats), but so many people here haven't heard of Fareed Zakaria, or Henry Kissinger, or realclearpolitics.com. It's like they woke up one day and decided, hey, instead of going to film school I'm going to go work for the state department (this sentence actually, literally, describes one of my relatively good friends here. I'm not even kidding. At least she's fluent in French). While I didn't expect everybody to sit around in soft chairs (not allowed in dorms, fire hazard) smoking pipes (ditto) and discussing US Grand Strategy after the Cold War (thanks for the book recommendation in Vegas, Nick Ramsey... though you don't know this blog exists), I'm still somewhat saddened that everything seems to be about getting drunk, going to frat parties, and getting laid (and if you're from New Jersey, going home on weekends). I'd even be more accepting if everybody was getting laid and could talk merits for war with Iran. Sadly, not so much (this was a rather long paragraph with a lot of parenthetical asides).
So what to do since I haven't found somebody I "click" with intellectually? Branch out more! I'm taking a bunch of different classes next semester (really Dan? I thought you'd take the same classes...); a few that I'm actually excited about include two sophomore level classes, one taught by somebody with a PhD from MIT, and a junior level class about International Law taught by somebody with a JD from UCLA and a PhD from Tufts. Furthermore, I'm actually going to start going to College Republicans meetings, and History Club meetings, and other fun "hey, let's talk about something we have in common!" types of events. After all, Seton Hall is, for all intents and purposes, my home for the foreseeable future, and I've decided I can't live my life with parenthesis and numbers after the date and time.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
To be perfectly honest
This is one of those posts I'm probably going to look back on and say I was being childish. Nonetheless, I feel it somewhat necessary to sort of chronicle my feelings as they happen (and I haven't written in this thing in two weeks).
I'm home, in Missouri, for the first time since August. I couldn't be happier. I feel like this giant weight has been lifted off of me. I got to drive on the interstate today and listen to the radio. Stations I remember. Silly commercials for Buffalo Wild Wings to which I knew every word. Streets I recognized, heck, even the trees looked familiar. I can't think of a single reason for which I'd want to go back to Seton Hall. The Russian program is nice, and I guess I'm learning diplomacy, but, for whatever reason, I don't think I ever realized how alien New Jersey felt to me until now. I honestly can't remember feeling this relaxed in months.
Part of me is troubled by this feeling. Shouldn't I be taking advantage of all of the opportunities that have presented themselves to me? Shouldn't I be out changing the world, making fast friends, making proverbial lemonade out of the Big Apple? I think I'll get used to it eventually, but looking back on high school I wasn't really happy in a "I finally fit in" way at Central for over a year. Year one had football, and debate, and every class but one with my favorite Indian, but it was primarily Dan the screwed up Freshman dates suicidal girl A. Needless to say, that didn't translate into a lot of summertime "hanging out" friends. Year two first semester was slightly more football, a brief date with the hotter of my two redheaded exes, trying to get better at debate to fit in somewhere (which worked some, including with the aforementioned Indian, among others) and finally finding, I'd say, one of my first legitimate intellectual "I feel special around this person" in the cute asian traitor. Not to equate debate with life, but the span of time between January and March when I worked with her (before she dumped me) was, legitimately, one of the times where I felt I grew a ton as a person. Additionally, I got to know classmates better, started dating the less attractive of my redheaded exes, and actually felt like I was beginning to be part of something at Central. That was winter sophomore year, with a consistent group of people I was around often more than five days week. In hindsight, maybe I do suck at adjusting.
Social commentary! I've always been told life is about opprotunities- you don't have to take the hardest path, but working hard opens more doors for you to go through. I'm seriously wondering if I picked the right door this time. What are all the riches, knowledge, and prestige in the world worth if one is lonely and unhappy? For that matter, it's not like I'm at Yale- I'm a Seton Hall, a 3rd tier institution with an upper level, but not Georgetown-level, diplomacy program. Let's say I want to go into politics- my natural constituency would be in Missouri. Maybe I'll go off to college, get cool grad school degree, intern some places, and decide I really am happier living in Kansas City or something. Who knows. In high school, it seemed like all of us were pushed to the limit, either by our parents or ourselves (or, in my instance, perhaps my own fear of failure), to be the best we could be at everything so we could achieve... what exactly. That part all seems sort of murky now. A good college, which leads to a good job, which leads to us being happy in our thirties. Presumably. I just remember feeling a lot happier before, and am quesitoning the long-term sustainability of the lifestyle on which I've decided to embark.
There isn't much point to this post now, I realize. It sounds whiney to me on the re-read. If this was on Xanga circa 2005, or facebook, I'm sure a lot of people would think I was a weirdo. Eh, who knows, maybe I am. Your regularly scheduled criticism of Seton Hall's freshmen, including myself, will resume shortly.
I'm home, in Missouri, for the first time since August. I couldn't be happier. I feel like this giant weight has been lifted off of me. I got to drive on the interstate today and listen to the radio. Stations I remember. Silly commercials for Buffalo Wild Wings to which I knew every word. Streets I recognized, heck, even the trees looked familiar. I can't think of a single reason for which I'd want to go back to Seton Hall. The Russian program is nice, and I guess I'm learning diplomacy, but, for whatever reason, I don't think I ever realized how alien New Jersey felt to me until now. I honestly can't remember feeling this relaxed in months.
Part of me is troubled by this feeling. Shouldn't I be taking advantage of all of the opportunities that have presented themselves to me? Shouldn't I be out changing the world, making fast friends, making proverbial lemonade out of the Big Apple? I think I'll get used to it eventually, but looking back on high school I wasn't really happy in a "I finally fit in" way at Central for over a year. Year one had football, and debate, and every class but one with my favorite Indian, but it was primarily Dan the screwed up Freshman dates suicidal girl A. Needless to say, that didn't translate into a lot of summertime "hanging out" friends. Year two first semester was slightly more football, a brief date with the hotter of my two redheaded exes, trying to get better at debate to fit in somewhere (which worked some, including with the aforementioned Indian, among others) and finally finding, I'd say, one of my first legitimate intellectual "I feel special around this person" in the cute asian traitor. Not to equate debate with life, but the span of time between January and March when I worked with her (before she dumped me) was, legitimately, one of the times where I felt I grew a ton as a person. Additionally, I got to know classmates better, started dating the less attractive of my redheaded exes, and actually felt like I was beginning to be part of something at Central. That was winter sophomore year, with a consistent group of people I was around often more than five days week. In hindsight, maybe I do suck at adjusting.
Social commentary! I've always been told life is about opprotunities- you don't have to take the hardest path, but working hard opens more doors for you to go through. I'm seriously wondering if I picked the right door this time. What are all the riches, knowledge, and prestige in the world worth if one is lonely and unhappy? For that matter, it's not like I'm at Yale- I'm a Seton Hall, a 3rd tier institution with an upper level, but not Georgetown-level, diplomacy program. Let's say I want to go into politics- my natural constituency would be in Missouri. Maybe I'll go off to college, get cool grad school degree, intern some places, and decide I really am happier living in Kansas City or something. Who knows. In high school, it seemed like all of us were pushed to the limit, either by our parents or ourselves (or, in my instance, perhaps my own fear of failure), to be the best we could be at everything so we could achieve... what exactly. That part all seems sort of murky now. A good college, which leads to a good job, which leads to us being happy in our thirties. Presumably. I just remember feeling a lot happier before, and am quesitoning the long-term sustainability of the lifestyle on which I've decided to embark.
There isn't much point to this post now, I realize. It sounds whiney to me on the re-read. If this was on Xanga circa 2005, or facebook, I'm sure a lot of people would think I was a weirdo. Eh, who knows, maybe I am. Your regularly scheduled criticism of Seton Hall's freshmen, including myself, will resume shortly.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Purpose
School has definitely taken some adjusting to (and will probably take more adjusting to in the coming weeks and months). It is only now, a few weeks from Thanksgiving break, that I think I'm beginning to find myself feeling comfortable here on a more than somehat consistent basis. I've spent a lot of time talking to my room/suite mates, as well as some other guys from the Honors class. I still don't feel nearly as integrated as I would have liked to feel right now, but there's been an improvement. I'm enjoying it.
With my growing sense of comfortably in New Jersey, these past few days have filled me with a sense of how quickly time seems to go by when one isn't waiting on something. When I was in my long-distance "relationship" with the embryo (she turned 16 in June, and is younger than my little brother who's a sophomore in high school this year- I feel dirty, and that's before the sexual fetishes) time seemed to move by really, really slowly. Days would go by a few at a time, but it always seemed to be September (which it was). Now, honestly, I don't know where October has gone.
With a little bit of help from that girl with a vaguely Victorian sounding name, I'm remembering where I was only a year ago. Making some of the worst moral decisions of my life with Embryo, trying to figure out where on earth I wanted to go to college, and generally having no sense of perspective on the world. Now I don't claim to have any great perspective on the world after two and a half months in New Jersey, but my life, and my perspective, has certainly changed. Eric Miller, formerly of Kickapoo high school and currently of Seton Hall, recently achieved an internship with Media Global, who does a lot of reporting on the United Nations. While going to his interview, he actually bumped shoulders with the Secretary General of the UN. He's two years older than me.
As I look ahead toward my life, I can't really begin to say what I'll do, where I'll live, who I'll be with, or even what I'll be. It seems that there's one thing in particular that's just starting to peak over the next hill: adulthood. It's always been one of those things that'll happen to me someday, and it still seems far off, but it seems much closer now. As that transition comes closer, I begin to wonder how I want to make an impact on the world throughout my adult life. In scheduling meetings with the dean, sitting and talking to my Honors professor's office about the Bush Doctrine for an hour and a half as he introduced me to upperclassmen that stopped by to say hi as his "favorite student", even in keeping a bit of my own schedule, I'm filled with a sense that there is a certain way things should be done.
As I find myself actually having obligations, I really, more than ever before, am beginning to understand how one should be considerate of another's time, actually care if somebody went to the trouble of reading and commenting on your paper, and actually listen to what people that I know know more than me have to say. I find myself paying more attention to how my professors act, how they behave, how they speak, even how they dress. It is, quite frankly, a wonderful experience. Even though I don't know what I'll be doing, or where, or how, I believe now in the importance of doing it right. Of caring about how one interacts with the rest of the world. Of having a purpose.
With my growing sense of comfortably in New Jersey, these past few days have filled me with a sense of how quickly time seems to go by when one isn't waiting on something. When I was in my long-distance "relationship" with the embryo (she turned 16 in June, and is younger than my little brother who's a sophomore in high school this year- I feel dirty, and that's before the sexual fetishes) time seemed to move by really, really slowly. Days would go by a few at a time, but it always seemed to be September (which it was). Now, honestly, I don't know where October has gone.
With a little bit of help from that girl with a vaguely Victorian sounding name, I'm remembering where I was only a year ago. Making some of the worst moral decisions of my life with Embryo, trying to figure out where on earth I wanted to go to college, and generally having no sense of perspective on the world. Now I don't claim to have any great perspective on the world after two and a half months in New Jersey, but my life, and my perspective, has certainly changed. Eric Miller, formerly of Kickapoo high school and currently of Seton Hall, recently achieved an internship with Media Global, who does a lot of reporting on the United Nations. While going to his interview, he actually bumped shoulders with the Secretary General of the UN. He's two years older than me.
As I look ahead toward my life, I can't really begin to say what I'll do, where I'll live, who I'll be with, or even what I'll be. It seems that there's one thing in particular that's just starting to peak over the next hill: adulthood. It's always been one of those things that'll happen to me someday, and it still seems far off, but it seems much closer now. As that transition comes closer, I begin to wonder how I want to make an impact on the world throughout my adult life. In scheduling meetings with the dean, sitting and talking to my Honors professor's office about the Bush Doctrine for an hour and a half as he introduced me to upperclassmen that stopped by to say hi as his "favorite student", even in keeping a bit of my own schedule, I'm filled with a sense that there is a certain way things should be done.
As I find myself actually having obligations, I really, more than ever before, am beginning to understand how one should be considerate of another's time, actually care if somebody went to the trouble of reading and commenting on your paper, and actually listen to what people that I know know more than me have to say. I find myself paying more attention to how my professors act, how they behave, how they speak, even how they dress. It is, quite frankly, a wonderful experience. Even though I don't know what I'll be doing, or where, or how, I believe now in the importance of doing it right. Of caring about how one interacts with the rest of the world. Of having a purpose.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Visits, Voting, Values
Today I received a visit from my Dad and step-mom, Stacey, the first I've seen anybody from home, except for pictures, since August. I got to hear about my brother David, my Dad's work, and life in general back in Springfield. We ate at a little diner in South Orange, which was nice. During the course of the lunch, Stacey and I managed to get into an argument over whether or not I was using enough of my meals in the cafeteria or spending too much money (about $25/week) on wraps for lunch. This was a very retarded discussion, and generally put me into a bad mood for most of the rest of their two-hour visit up here (though luckily we'd already been talking for about 80 minutes). I felt like I was a seventh grader being chastised about whether I was getting a $0.75 cookie with my school lunch. Utterly idiotic.
Tomorrow America elects the 44th president of the United States. Now, I realize there are a number of things wrong with that statement. Americans have been voting for probably three or four weeks now, thanks to early voting in a lot of states. Election Day has become like Christmas: there's Election Day, and then there's election season. And, I know, Americans aren't really electing the president. We're voting for the nameless members of the Electoral College to vote instead of us. And it's debatable whether or not America can really be said to elect anything when 30-40% (and that’s being generous) of people don’t participate. But, in principle, tomorrow America elects our 44th president. Unless the courts get involved. Then we may or may not know who the next president is going to be tomorrow, or next week for that matter. Tomorrow some of America is voting. We’ll just leave it at that.
Classic teenage paragraph starter: As I face a lot of the uncertainty surrounding my future in college (and life in general, for that matter), I’m reminded of the things that are truly important to me. Unfortunately this isn’t a feel-good movie, so there are actually some problems with that idea. Instead of being reminded of the things that are truly important to me, I’m more reminded that I don’t really know what’s truly important to me. Maslow’s hierarchy seems more like a maze than a map. I’ve been very unsettled about my social standing at Seton Hall, and my relation to other people. However, one of the pluses that I don’t have to worry about is, so far, I’m making very good grades. I’m doing very well in Speech, especially compared to the other freshmen. I absolutely love most of my classes, and those that I don’t are at least bearable. I’m sixty minutes or less from the top of the Empire State Building basically whenever I want. There’s a lot that’s going right for me, but I have a tendency to try and fix everything I feel is wrong. I’m still adjusting, still getting used to New Jersey being, well, home. Time passes, and it will all work out.
At least, that’s what happens in the movies.
Tomorrow America elects the 44th president of the United States. Now, I realize there are a number of things wrong with that statement. Americans have been voting for probably three or four weeks now, thanks to early voting in a lot of states. Election Day has become like Christmas: there's Election Day, and then there's election season. And, I know, Americans aren't really electing the president. We're voting for the nameless members of the Electoral College to vote instead of us. And it's debatable whether or not America can really be said to elect anything when 30-40% (and that’s being generous) of people don’t participate. But, in principle, tomorrow America elects our 44th president. Unless the courts get involved. Then we may or may not know who the next president is going to be tomorrow, or next week for that matter. Tomorrow some of America is voting. We’ll just leave it at that.
Classic teenage paragraph starter: As I face a lot of the uncertainty surrounding my future in college (and life in general, for that matter), I’m reminded of the things that are truly important to me. Unfortunately this isn’t a feel-good movie, so there are actually some problems with that idea. Instead of being reminded of the things that are truly important to me, I’m more reminded that I don’t really know what’s truly important to me. Maslow’s hierarchy seems more like a maze than a map. I’ve been very unsettled about my social standing at Seton Hall, and my relation to other people. However, one of the pluses that I don’t have to worry about is, so far, I’m making very good grades. I’m doing very well in Speech, especially compared to the other freshmen. I absolutely love most of my classes, and those that I don’t are at least bearable. I’m sixty minutes or less from the top of the Empire State Building basically whenever I want. There’s a lot that’s going right for me, but I have a tendency to try and fix everything I feel is wrong. I’m still adjusting, still getting used to New Jersey being, well, home. Time passes, and it will all work out.
At least, that’s what happens in the movies.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Because Sushma Didn't Make One
The world really is cyclical. First Xanga, now, three years later, this. It's rather interesting.
Perhaps later I'll write an introductory post. As of now, because you (indicates Sushma) and you (indicates Lindsey) are going to be the only ones with knowledge of this space, I'll leave it out. Without getting too metaphysical, you know who I am.
Well it's Saturday night, and I have nowhere to be and nothing to do. My suite of five is occupied by yours truly, with Karate-Mike in Atlantic City breaking boards, my ROTC roommate is in a hospital guarding the emergency room, and the others are probably at home. This campus really is dead on weekends, but at least I'm actually here. Three of the last four weekends have been forensics related, and I've found myself in Virginia, West Virginia, Pennsylvania, driven through Jersey, Delaware, and just generally been nice and busy. I almost welcome the boredom. Almost.
I had a nice dinner with a Catholic (long distance relationship in Nebraska, future cake decorator), a Republican from Florida (in my honors class, international relations major, yet surprisingly I don't really know her that well), and a member of the Dance Team (from Ohio, on the SHU dance... club? team?... in my Russian Class, IR major). Well, that is to say I ate dinner with speech people before going over and joining their table. It was an interesting discussion, and by interesting I mean we talked about rock bands and camping. Not that I'm poor by any means, but they all seemed to have a little bit more money than me. Dancer talked about how her parents just sold their cabin because they never used it, Floridian Elephant talked about how she wanted to get an internship in Belgium over the summer (she'd visited before) and Cakes just seems... affluent. Perhaps I'm completely wrong. After dinner they had to do laundry. So they did.
Confused girl (in honors, criminal justice major, long distance relationship with a Wisconsin boy, former-potential fling [she was really attached to the guy she gets to see once every two months for the next three years after dating for less than two months before college]) is busy with her first ever collegiate Mock Trial competition this weekend, Peanuts (long distance relationship with a guy in Pittsburg, PA, on the speech team*, is a cross of Jeanette and Suzanne, is deathly alergic to peanuts, former IR major but switched to Secondary Education already) is busy with said boyfriend from Pennsylvania, and I don't really feel like exerting much effort to randomly try and find people. I recently discovered Pandora Radio on the internet, and it's making my life quite wonderful. I'm probably going to take advantage of the time off that I have and do a paper that isn't due until Thursday soon! Won't that be fun?
I think that college is swimming. You can hear about swimming, you can know people that swim, but until you actually try to swim you really don't have any idea what the experience is like. Swimming can be a lot of fun, but first you have to learn how to swim properly. Not swimming properly can lead to you drowning, which isn't fun at all. Both are fun naked some of the time if it's not too cold. (A difference: college usually doesn't make you lose weight.) In keeping with this extended metaphor, still feel like I'm really struggling to breathe. I'm making good grades, owning in class discussions (people here are so wonderfully idealistic. In one discussion earlier this week, Confused Girl told me that I "should cheer up" while two others mentioned me by name before saying they "strongly" or "completely" disagreed with me.), and thoroughly enjoying the school part of school. It's just outside of the seventeen hours of class, I feel like I don't have any direction, purpose, or clue what I'm doing. I'm just in the ocean somewhere, looking for the shore.
This is probably rediculously long by normal blog standards.
"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."
Perhaps later I'll write an introductory post. As of now, because you (indicates Sushma) and you (indicates Lindsey) are going to be the only ones with knowledge of this space, I'll leave it out. Without getting too metaphysical, you know who I am.
Well it's Saturday night, and I have nowhere to be and nothing to do. My suite of five is occupied by yours truly, with Karate-Mike in Atlantic City breaking boards, my ROTC roommate is in a hospital guarding the emergency room, and the others are probably at home. This campus really is dead on weekends, but at least I'm actually here. Three of the last four weekends have been forensics related, and I've found myself in Virginia, West Virginia, Pennsylvania, driven through Jersey, Delaware, and just generally been nice and busy. I almost welcome the boredom. Almost.
I had a nice dinner with a Catholic (long distance relationship in Nebraska, future cake decorator), a Republican from Florida (in my honors class, international relations major, yet surprisingly I don't really know her that well), and a member of the Dance Team (from Ohio, on the SHU dance... club? team?... in my Russian Class, IR major). Well, that is to say I ate dinner with speech people before going over and joining their table. It was an interesting discussion, and by interesting I mean we talked about rock bands and camping. Not that I'm poor by any means, but they all seemed to have a little bit more money than me. Dancer talked about how her parents just sold their cabin because they never used it, Floridian Elephant talked about how she wanted to get an internship in Belgium over the summer (she'd visited before) and Cakes just seems... affluent. Perhaps I'm completely wrong. After dinner they had to do laundry. So they did.
Confused girl (in honors, criminal justice major, long distance relationship with a Wisconsin boy, former-potential fling [she was really attached to the guy she gets to see once every two months for the next three years after dating for less than two months before college]) is busy with her first ever collegiate Mock Trial competition this weekend, Peanuts (long distance relationship with a guy in Pittsburg, PA, on the speech team*, is a cross of Jeanette and Suzanne, is deathly alergic to peanuts, former IR major but switched to Secondary Education already) is busy with said boyfriend from Pennsylvania, and I don't really feel like exerting much effort to randomly try and find people. I recently discovered Pandora Radio on the internet, and it's making my life quite wonderful. I'm probably going to take advantage of the time off that I have and do a paper that isn't due until Thursday soon! Won't that be fun?
I think that college is swimming. You can hear about swimming, you can know people that swim, but until you actually try to swim you really don't have any idea what the experience is like. Swimming can be a lot of fun, but first you have to learn how to swim properly. Not swimming properly can lead to you drowning, which isn't fun at all. Both are fun naked some of the time if it's not too cold. (A difference: college usually doesn't make you lose weight.) In keeping with this extended metaphor, still feel like I'm really struggling to breathe. I'm making good grades, owning in class discussions (people here are so wonderfully idealistic. In one discussion earlier this week, Confused Girl told me that I "should cheer up" while two others mentioned me by name before saying they "strongly" or "completely" disagreed with me.), and thoroughly enjoying the school part of school. It's just outside of the seventeen hours of class, I feel like I don't have any direction, purpose, or clue what I'm doing. I'm just in the ocean somewhere, looking for the shore.
This is probably rediculously long by normal blog standards.
"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."
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